In the year leading up to my sobriety date of October 1, 2000, I had begun to feel and hear things that were outside of the realm of normal sensory experience. There was Internet but I found it more useful to seek the answers to my experiences in the shelves of local bookstores. In between binges, hangovers, and Happy Hours, I sought to explain the odd sensations that would overtake me at random hours of the day and night. There were voices and cold spots in the house. Objects would move unaided from room to room. I could feel myself being watched on a regular basis, to the point that I gave a name to the unseen entity. Bizarre, out of the ordinary things would happen daily. The occurrences were so obvious that I knew for a fact that I was not going crazy.
I found much that alluded to what was going on. There are entire shelves in bookstores, in fact, dedicated to these very issues. I bought a lot of these books and read them all. Movies were watched and people of interest were spoken to. I was desperate for answers.
In a simultaneous, parallel run of events, my drinking was to soon come to a grinding halt. With the clarity of hindsight, I can say that my metaphysical experiences and the final stages of my alcoholism were entwined. Like the threads of a fine tapestry, of and by themselves not adding up to much, but together, juxtaposed to give the impression of reliance. Each thread needing the other in order to be made part of the bigger picture.
In short, these experiences were a fundamental part of rendering me sober.
After months of chasing my tail to get concrete answers to experiences that were outside the realm of the human experience, I was left with this:
What was happening was part of a reality greater than myself. I may never have concrete answers to what was happening but I could accept that it was part of my reality and that I had little control over any of it. Something else was in charge and it wasn't me.
Imagine that.
After the brutal last night of drinking of September 30th, 2000, I awakened to the calm stillness that only a Mojave morning could bring. With my new-found realization of a power greater than myself tucked under my belt and the previous evening's massacre coursing through my body, I was armed to make the decision that would fundamentally alter my life.
I was done with the drink and something greater than myself was going to take over from here. That power has been leading the way ever since.
And for the record, my drinking was not causing me to hallucinate. The supernatural events only became stronger and more frequent following my sobriety date of October 1st, 2000.
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