google chrome can bite me

about as much as the BMI chart can.

I haven't been able to gain access to my blog in over a week.

A re-install is all it took, but I've been so busy, I haven't even had time for that.

Sometimes a girl just wants to blog-and-go, ya know?

big dog

My dog has turned into a ginormous cow puppy within the span of a week. I have already had to lengthen his collar once and I can no longer carry him in his travel crate with one hand.

He is ten weeks old and he walks on a leash as though he has been doing it for years. We walk up the road to a local AA meeting and he gets lots of sober loving from the meeting goers out front.

He lives a few houses down from some neurotic barkers that he seems puzzled by.

He likes to sit on the porch and chew his bone and watch the cars drive by.

He sleeps through the night, although I get up at 2:00 AM to take him out back to do his business.

He likes to take baths and I've taught him to sit.

The kids think he's something to fight over.

When he stays still long enough for a picture, I will post one.

what does it all mean?

I went to the doctor on Friday.

How is it possible that I have gained 40 lbs. in the last year but my blood pressure is magnificent and I have never felt better?

Believe me when I say that I in no way can afford to gain any amount of weight.

When I left California after my wedding and moved to Appalachia 10 years ago, I looked like this:

I post Jennifer Esposito because that is who my husband once said I remind him of.

I now look like this:

I post Sara Ramirez because that is who my spa manager says I look like.

Eleven years ago I was thin, tan, and highlighted. I was also strung out on diet pills, yo yo dieting, compulsive exercising, and was generally discontent regarding my never satisfactory weight. And while this is a recovery blog, I refuse to talk about the ten year struggle with an eating disorder through my teens and early 20's that nearly killed me. I would need to start a separate blog to deal with those issues.

Fast forward through two kids, married life, sobriety, age, and resolve and what I ended up with is plus size, naturally fair to olive skin, and my natural brown/black hair. Honestly, there are days that I don't even recognize myself.

But still I am depressed. It isn't that I necessarily desire to be thin again. Frankly, folks, that was too much work. What I desire is to live in a society that doesn't obsess over weight. I want to go to the store and not see magazine covers every calendar month advertising how to Lose 28 Pounds In Three Weeks! I want to go to work and not hear clients talk about the latest diet, boot camp, pill they are trying. I want to come from a family that doesn't obsess on body image. I want to get off the not so merry-go-round of mental crazy making that surrounds my weight and image. I want to be found beautiful for the body I have and not because my winning personality compensates for the body I have (insert sarcasm here.)

No deep meaning here, people. Just burned out on the weight issue.

::sigh::

That is all.

just like his new owner

My new puppy arrives tomorrow. Something tells me that if he's anything like his new owner (me,) that this is what I will be dealing with in a few years: